by Shanna Katz
The other day, I was asked about why there is so much fat acceptance in the queer community. Now, of course it wasn’t phrased quite as respectfully as that, but I like to think of it in a nicer way.
And it’s a good question. As a fat queer femme, I’ve found much more love, sex and acceptance in the queer community than I ever did when I identified as straight. No doubt, some of this has to do with the fact that I’m now sleeping with people I’m more attracted to, and dating someone I love with all my heart, but in my more slutty days (and I say that word with pride), I, as a fat girl, was getting some first class attention and loving.
I’ve always been some form of fat. From a few pounds overweight to my now plus size and curvaceous figure, fat/heavy/zaftig/big/chubby/plus size has always been language in my life. In the early 2000s, when I started my profile on the beta version of OKCupid, I had lots of people using the term BBW, and people telling me I should put it in my profile. I worked later on for a woman run porn website, and even there, the BBW niche existed. I didn’t want to be a niche, I didn’t want people to message me solely because of my size. I wanted people to like me for me.
The first time I noticed such body acceptance in the queer community was after my first date with J. I read on J’s live journal their thoughts on the date, and at the end, they said “it was amazing. She was a goddess, a neon hair, chubby femme goddess.” While my straight friends were appalled (“how dare this person call you chubby! You’re just curvy!”), I liked hearing that about myself. They didn’t know I was chubby before that date, so it wasn’t being part of a niche, yet they totally recognized, validated, and loved the size part of me.
After that relationship ended, I hooked up with lots of queer people, as I experimented and had fun. Almost every person told me my curves were beautiful, that they loved my bountiful breasts, that they appreciate how hard and how long I could fuck them, with my strong arms. In all of my time pursuing boys while I was straight, I hadn’t heard them tell me I was beautiful, not once, and particularly not BECAUSE of my curves. Heck, I had one guy tell me he was worried I might squish him…because I was 180 lbs.
In the lesbian and queer community, there is both more and less competition that amongst straight women. More, because there are less options to go for, and less, because there are less people going for said option. Because of that, we don’t develop as much of a competitive spirit (I feel), and I see femmes complimenting each other and giving each other tips, rather than trying to be “more” beautiful than each other.
Additionally, for women identified people, or those who have lived as a woman, we all understand that pressures that are put on us; to conform, to be thin, to look like we’re “supposed” to and more. Because of that understanding, we do more, often, to alleviate that pressure, and accepted each other for who we are; size, hair color, and all.
Lastly, we as queer people, are a minority. We understand how much it hurts to be discriminated against for who we are, and for things we cannot always change. We get that we want to be seen as us, as who we are, not as a niche. And that is why, I think, the queer/lesbian community is more fat accepting.