This weekend was my first play event without my partner. My famous leather lover was off at a contest in San Francisco and left me in the protective care of a close friend at my first event as a single player, thanks to Polyamory! I had heard only good things about The Floating World but as I thought about going by myself I was getting more nervous and more stuck in my head about it. I got so panicked at one point I thought to myself ‘maybe I’m not kinky, maybe I don’t know how to be without my partner’ (as you can tell, the mind can be a dangerous neighborhood!). I came into the scene about two years ago with Sara and never knew what it was like to go it alone. As Sara’s submissive, I have become very accustom to allowing Sara to approach prospective players and initiate hot scenes so I knew this weekend would be a learning experience for me.
My first Friday class was just what I needed to get the weekend started off right. Simon, a fellow kinkster and a dear friend, taught a discussion based class called Kinky Communication (How To Avoid Being Tiresome and Needy and Get What You Want) that helped me walk away with several tips on initiating a scene:
2. Don’t be so attached to the outcome. If you’re not attached, you can create chemistry with your play partner instead of force it.
3. Be aware of yourself (your body language and your words) in your social space and be considerate of others.
4. Don’t be a jerk. Treat people the way you want to be treated; as Simon asked, would you sleep with yourself?
Some of these tips I already knew but to be reminded of them at the beginning of an event gave me the confidence I needed to be in communication about the type of play I am interested in without the assistance of my partner. This class helped me to begin to formulate what I wanted to get out of the weekend and to be open to experiencing my kinky self in whole new way.
Then, in one of Iganicio’s classes I had an epiphany. I was in the front row of their panel discussion on Boundaries when they said something that stuck with me. They were talking about a period of time when they were in a relationship and found it difficult to think outside of their relationship unit which meant their limits and boundaries where determined solely by the conditions of the couple dynamic. I realized that was exactly what was happening with my psyche: I spend so much time thinking about what is best for my relationship and put very little time or effort into creating what I want from my play outside my partner. I’m a title holder’s service girl and struggle to think outside of that role when reflecting on my place in the BDSM and Leather community. But I am also an individual who wants to express my sexual desires and the brilliant thing about being polyamorous is the fact that I can fulfill on those fantasies with others.
After these epic realizations, my head clear and my confidence high, The Floating World had officially begun! I demo bottomed for two classes: Goddess Roze’s TitToture class, where I withstood a nice breast beating and Dr. Ruthie’s Deep Kissing: The Art of Giving Blow Jobs, where I stepped into my top space and got a killer blowjob. I performed my poetry and became a unicorn (yes, a unicorn) in FloatingWreck! A Drag Show and Cabaret hosted by Traniwreck and received much love and feedback in response to my work. I developed a new top persona, Ms. Sir and learned not only do I love to receive staples but I love to give them as well. And I tried my first needle, which was scary, surreal and amazing, thanks to very close friends who helped walk my through the experience.
By the time I prepared for my nightly phone calls with my partner, I had so much to tell her I didn’t even know where to start! The Floating World was a wonderful event; the classes where exceptional and it was amazing to surrounded by such a supportive, open group of kinky folks. I learned so much about myself this weekend. I learned how to articulate what I want from my play and take a risk by asking for what I want from others. Going to an event by myself no longer seems as scary as it once was and at this rate, I can’t wait for what lies ahead at my next, independent lady adventure. Stay tuned!