My column here at A Kink in the Curves is all about body image, the occasional fashion tip (like: what should I wear to my next kinky play party), and beauty products. In this month’s article, I’m going to tackle two aspects of the changing season that trip me up every year: less light and less moisture. The days are getting shorter and dryer. Even in my corner of the southeast, the humidity is dropping. And while I rejoice that my runs are less sweaty, my skin is objecting. So much so that I needed some first aid, but I’ll get to that in a moment. First, I want to talk about the lack of sunshine.
Less daylight is something all humans must cope with, and for this human in particular, less light usually means the onset of seasonal depression. I Googled Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) so that I could give readers a proper definition and discovered that it had been categorized differently in the most recent edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. In DSM-5, SAD was changed from a “unique mood disorder” to “a specifier for a recurrent major depressive disorder that occurs at a specific time of the year.” Um, I guess that was a good thing. Anyway, the shorter days mean less sunlight which means depression for me. I become lethargic, have little energy for anything, and my brain functioning gets weird. My unscientific term for it is “brain fog.” That brain fog is the worst part, because it interferes with work and my short-term memory.
Thank goodness there were full-spectrum lights, because when I discovered those, my fall and winter blues disappeared. Full-spectrum light by definition means light that covers the electromagnetic spectrum from infrared to near-ultraviolet, or all wavelengths that are useful to plant or animal life. Light box therapy is about getting enough full-spectrum light from special light bulbs during the months when my section of the earth gets less natural sunlight.
Light boxes run the gamut in price, and I invested a little more because I wanted it to last a long time. I also wanted a legitimate full-spectrum light. The cheaper models may not have been much different from a regular light bulb. And let’s face it; spending time in front of a regular light bulb isn’t going to help my depression. My light box sits on my desk, and I use it every morning for thirty minutes. Those thirty minutes are like seasonal insurance that I will make it through another fall and winter without taking to my bed on a permanent basis. It literally becomes the bright spot in my day.
My other product recommendation to go in your fall survival kit is Aquaphor®. Made by Eucerin®, Aquaphor® healing ointment is marketed for use on babies. It’s not as thick as Vaseline, is clear and has no odor. And why should you place this in your seasonal arsenal if you don’t have an actual baby or babysit or do whatever related activity to diaper-wearing small humans? Because of blowjobs, my dear readers. Yes, you read me right.
As part of my regular D/s duties, I give a morning and evening blowjob to my Dominant. That means fourteen blowjobs a week and around 60 per month on average. That’s a lot of friction for sir and for my lips. The humidity was dropping outside, and I didn’t give much thought to the decrease in moisture in my bedroom until my bottom lip cracked. It began as a small thing, but it seemed that the more chapstick I applied, the more the skin pealed. It got to the point where it was a large crack, and I stopped kissing altogether. No play for this girl when I had an open wound. I was desperate. Traditional lip ointments weren’t working, and then I remembered a winter where a previous Dominant got a patch of cracked skin on the side of his penis. He went to the doctor, of course, fearing the worst. It turned out that he had chapped skin. We were having so much sex that the delicate skin of his penis got abraded and then dried and then cracked. The doctor recommended Aquaphor® as the most effective (and cheapest) remedy.
The stuff works like a charm! I kept a small tube of the stuff next to my desk and applied it every time I looked in its general direction. It looks like I’m wearing super shiny lip gloss, so no one is the wiser. I applied it before I fell asleep every night, and in two days it was healed. Pick some up the next time you’re in the drug store, and I promise that you won’t be sorry. (You’ll also be well-equipped for a lot of fall oral sex.)
So there are my autumn recommendations for this month. I realize that you may have been expecting more fashion oriented tips, but really, fighting depression and chapped penises are way more important than the right shade of pumpkin tights, right? RIGHT?!