Dear Sarah,
I am a Dominant looking for a service submissive, what is best way to screen someone?
Signed, K.
Apr 132013
Apr 022013
Many of us have been lead into believing intimacy is limited to the act of having sex alone. Ironically, our misunderstanding of intimacy has influenced the development of unfulfilled sex lives within our relationships. We base too much of our bonding on a physical aspect alone. Being fully present and sharing with our romantic partners, [...]
Feb 182013
A question arises in BDSM circles from time to time. Should a dominant say please and thank you when interacting with a sub? The title of this column might make you think that please and thank you are for the fakes. Not so! I am not here to say that dominants should avoid saying please [...]
Feb 042013
A friend mentioned to me that he was recently filling out some tax forms that had a check box for “single” under the category of relationship status. This reminded him of a time when similar forms did not use the word “single” but instead, they used the word “unmarried.” It’s good to see that, of [...]
Jan 202013
Kate Bornstein wrote about the modern imperative for identity in her landmark book, “Gender Outlaw”. Identity is the “need to belong” to a recognizable group, and in her opinion, this is particularly true in regard to gender and sexuality. “Monogamous” is one of the largest self-identified sexual identities, and according to at least one study, [...]
Jan 162013
Both my boyfriends are runners. One, in fact, runs marathons. Although built differently, they are muscular and lean. When we get naked I spend a lot of time running my hands over their chests and abs and legs, luxuriating in the different textures of skin, hair, muscle and bone. They’re beautifully constructed, and I love [...]
Jan 142013
To fully understand how we connect within relationships, we have to realize that we are energy beings that reside within a human vehicle. When we go through life holding on to pain we have experienced in past relationships, we begin to create a build up of resentment that blocks our natural flow of energy. Some [...]
Dec 162012
When last I visited my Seattle boyfriend, we were holding hands in public on our way to a movie in the downtown area. After many years of therapy and self-work to rid myself of abusive religion in my childhood, I was proud of myself for being so comfortable — almost unconscious about expressing basic affection [...]
Dec 122012
“I know for a FACT that, if I actually wanted to or TRIED, I could fuck ANY ONE of my ex-girlfriends!” My other male co-workers nodded in unison at The Cartoonist’s affirmative statement. “Bullshit,” I replied. I demanded that there was no way in hell any guy I’d already been with could just magically get [...]
Dec 022012
Polyamory and poly relationships are complex. Which is no surprise if you know anything about or have any experience with polyamory. But for people new to poly, managing poly relationships is an exercise in higher math that they might not be aware of. Let’s take a simple example, and one common to the kink world. [...]