When I first ventured into the world of BDSM at the request of my partner, I was hesitant and slightly appalled at the thought of granting her request for a whipping, that would leave marks..! I had never ‘beaten’ a woman before, my mind racing.. wondering what my parents would think of this if they knew.. “OK..man up, man.. give the lady what she wants!” The first time she showed me her bare bottom, and encouraged me to whip her, I was careful not to hit too hard, but it wasn’t long before she urged me to strike her more vigorously, and I wasn’t so sure, but..
The slight glistening on her nether lips told me all I needed to know, and stirred something deep in the ‘animal-me’. I dared to strike harder, carefully placing my strokes away from her back and legs, concentrating on delivering an experience for her. With my rock hard manhood spurring me on, she received the whipping she so craved (an undeniable realization for me). Her moans, and angelic satisfied look afterwards told me the full story.
All I can say, to any new Dominant that has a doubt, I’m having the best sex of my life and it keeps getting better..
But most of all, I am getting better. I am better at delivering an accurate stroke, I know the weight, flex and specific impact of each cane, crop, whip or flogger that I own, some better than others. Jay Wiseman says he could never understand the ‘pleasure from pain mind’, and neither can I. But, what I can understand is that everyone has kink (the Oxford dictionary says: kinky is “involving or given to unusual sexual behavior” ) inside of them. And with that in mind, I am free to explore the technical side of the kink my partner prefers.
Technical? Getting it right.
Now some of you non-technical guys/girls will say.. “OK, there he goes, he’s lost me..” and I tend to agree with you. “I don’t need to worry about how I’m holding the damn stick, I just want to use it, right?” Right! So here goes.
First and foremost, I believe in mindset. When ones mindset is clear and focused all the ‘have to’s’ fall into place. So, even though I cannot identify with the pain that makes my princess sub melt like chocolate ice cream on a summers day, I can identify the signs of pleasure pooling on the bed sheets when I do something right.. I can see how different combinations of canes make her react, how to use those combinations to draw out the session for an extended period of time when I feel like having some fun, or how to use them to make it the equivalent of a quickie. Hard. Fast. Intense. Bratty behavior is also quickly dealt with. And believe me when I say your sub will act up if you have been neglecting your ‘burning bottom’ duties.
When I’m concentrated on delivering a mind blowing experience, it’s easier to get the details right. When I want to make sure the cane or crop strikes both cheeks at the same time, I automatically stand in a way that makes this possible, or when I want the whippy bit to bite a little more, my body knows what to do. With experimentation and all the benefits that accompany “giving this BDSM thing a go” you will soon find yourself a Master, a master of a glowing bottom and grateful sub, of wet.. wet pussy, and a willing slave to your increasingly depraved fantasies. Ignore her dark desires at the cost of a lifetime of ball wrenching sex!
Where to start, and what’s next?
Getting started is easy, just do it. Don’t make a big thing of it. In the beginning, I would take random opportunities to make her bend for the cane. Clothes on, nothing ‘violent’, just getting used to the idea that she’s not kidding, she does like it and it’s more than OK. After a short time, I wanted to get into a proper session, multiple canes, hard and soft strokes, varying positions, thud followed by sting, random timing, dirty talk, humiliation.. the whole kaboodle. It was scary, I fumbled, I stuttered, I felt like a fool.. she didn’t notice enough to stop her from a shuddering orgasm.
The biggest lesson I learned? Take it slow, don’t worry about your doubts, they don’t belong here. She loves this, she will reward you for this. She will tell you when it’s enough, she will tell you harder, more, or just moan in such a way that you’ll know.. With loving respect for each other, and attention to detail, your partners kink can be learned and mastered. I have much to learn, and many more hours of practice.. I cannot think of a more satisfying way to share my time with my love.
From this point forward, I am learning, reading, practicing and communicating with her for a better BDSM relationship that we can both participate in. I hope that you will follow me as Noëlle and I discover our path.
This article is a repost from Bedroom Bondage