Kink vs Guilt

 Posted by on October 11, 2010
Oct 112010

by Ms Selina Minx

Something which has been coming up a lot lately, is the issue of kink vs spirituality. Open sexuality in general stands in opposition of the Judeo-Christian-Muslim religious ethic, with it’s mostly guiltless enjoyment of such activities as sadomasochism, swinging, and even polyamory inciting a fierce negative response from these religions.

First let me clarify why I say Judeo-Christian-Muslim rather than simply any one of those alone. Each of these religions comes from the same woman and freedom-hating texts generated a few thousand years ago. Each has grown into it’s own pedagogy. Each containing a thrilling nugget of truth, and a huge helping of misogynistic pleasure-hating propaganda. The power of women, of their reproductive magick, their superior organizational and tasking functions, their creativity, spirituality and most importantly, their inherently magnetic sexual attraction, make for a formidable “opponent” if you care to see things that way. This, and other social, cultural and bacteriological threats were addressed in these early texts. Although they claimed to be “the word of God”… they were also tools of social control which used mythos and social pressure to keep power in the hands of, well, those who had power. These same tenets have been passed down over the entire globe, keeping countless populations in fear of the reprisals of an angry father God, who stands belligerently inaccessible, only available to the common man through the intercession of church officials. Yes, one can pray and hope their needs are heard by one of the lessor angels, or even Jesus himself, but the technologies of bringing oneself into direct communion with a spiritual force were kept secret. The local native technologies which offered this experience were systematically destroyed and discredited, to the best ability of the Catholic Church, the Moslem extremists, and religious zealots everywhere. Thank Goddess for the vastness of her gorgeous planet so some remained for discovery and study today.

The problem of guilt within the S/M and alternate sexual communities is a serious one. It takes the form of shame, judgement, self-hatred, self denial, abuse and confusion. Many people, though liberated, don’t even know that the darkness or confusion they experience is of this source. They don’t know that their arbitrary self-judgements and heartless rejections of others come from a deep sense of self-hatred. Few understand the vastness of the “culturation” that we have all experienced simply by existing in a (for me anyway) predominantly Christian society. Sadly, this effect works under the awareness of many people, causing painful social striations, and senseless partner abuse.

It can happen because of gender identity issues, SM proclivities, bisexual, lesbian, homo or heterosexuality. Any one of these very personal longings can lead to painful rejection or abuse by a partner who doesn’t understand. It can be very difficult to explain desires which are outside the expected spectrum within a relationship, whether that be the curiosity about a heterosexual encounter in a gay relationship, or the need to submit to a mistress in a vanilla relationship. In my personal experience, a huge number of submissive males execute their desires outside the knowledge of their partners for fear of rejection, or out of a simple inability to communicate their needs to their lovers. It saddens me, particularly because I am so passionate about living honestly, and freely being able to pursue the things which bring joy in life. How long do we have to enjoy our lives, in these glorious bodies? We simply never know. Better to be loved for who you are, than tolerated for who they think you are.

If you are in an abusive situation, where you are unable to be yourself for fear of physical reprisal, please leave and get help now. There are many programs to help in cases of domestic violence, and some of them are open to those of either sex, or transexual identities. Non-consensual violence is not acceptable. If I had my choice, and we all lived in a village together, those who beat, or otherwise threatened their partners physically or psychologically would be seriously re-schooled by everyone in the community. Use the tools of shame against them, rally your neighborhood and make it clear, non-consensual violence is NOT to be tolerated. Change only begins in your heart, when you decide that you are worth being treated with more respect.

If you are experiencing guilt yourself, or dealing with the judgements of a guilty partner, bring clarity to the matter by bringing it to light. Explore your feelings until you can clearly state your inner and outer beliefs, consider the alternate beliefs of your partner, family or culture. Look at the source of these beliefs, and decide, personally, what you choose to accept as real in your life. It is possible to bring healing to the fear-filled internal worlds which create further judgement and abuse.

If you yourself are struggling with shame, know this: You are as natural as the animals and plants, as natural as the weather and the earth itself. The animal kingdom has a large repertoire of polyamorous and sadomasochistic behavior, and we are a part of the animal kingdom. I recommend the book “Sperm Wars” for a chance at debunking the myths that humans are above animals in this regard. Let mama nature reassure you that you, as you are, remain perfect and unsoiled, no matter how “dirty” your thoughts or actions may be. The religions which have dominated our fair planet for these last few thousand years are disintegrating as the power of FREE INFORMATION is retooling the ethics and assumptions of humanity.

Dark Moon Blog
October 4, 2010