By Selina Minx
A great many things in life benefit from more sustained attention. In the realms of BDSM and magick especially, the ability to regulate one’s attention is key. And of course any activity which involves another person will benefit from more sustained focus and attention. Communication is a diverse and multi-layered endeavor between two people. Good verbal communication is not always possible in deeper head spaces or perilous circumstances. If you like to play in the heavier scenarios, it really benefits to be adept and attuned to non-verbal cues.
It is essential to be attentive to your submissive or partner. By checking their body language, and watching their subtle facial expressions it is possible to gain a much clearer picture of the moods, needs and boundaries of the other party. Ultimately this creates the opportunity to commune on a much deeper level.
Below are a few qualities to tune in to in order to maximize any power exchange scenario.
Pain offers a delightful gradient of expression which really allows us to enjoy other beings at their barest and most raw. Be like a gourmand about your partner’s pain. Know their different aspects and hot spots. Being well acquainted with your bottom’s baseline pain response will allow you to know when they are more reactive or responsive than usual. Be responsive to their changing state and your play will remain effective and exciting. By sensing as they approach their limits, and backing off before they articulate a boundary, you can build trust and build receptivity and pain tolerance to higher levels.
Longing is an exquisite aspect of the heart which fuels bonding and power exchange. Sensing your partner’s desire or arousal gives you a definite psychological advantage over them. Verbalizing their state of excitation can be very objectifying and embarrassing, as it emphasizes the deeper awareness, experience and power of the top. By putting the bottom in their place and making them self-conscious about their arousal it is possible to create a feedback loop wherein the sub feels turned-on, exposed, powerless and longing in ever increasing cycles.
Devotion is a type of focused emotional bonding energy. By sensing a slave’s level of devotion and focus you can estimate how much time or energy to yourself invest in their training. Some slaves are motivated by the desire for sensation or pleasure. This can be fun to play with, however, these slaves are not as well-suited for deeper synergy. A slave who is motivated by psychological factors such as security and approval or emotional factors such as attachment or love will have greater opportunities to contribute to the lifestyle of the Mistress. They will also have greater opportunities to feel the love of the Mistress.
Resistance is an essential emotional quality to be attentive for. If your sub or partner demonstrates resistance it is extremely important to this address immediately. The submissive mind-state makes it easiest to go along with the wishes of others. Because of this tendency, resistance, even if justified, may be fleeting and/or subtle. The attention must be finely tuned to sense subtle expressions of discomfort, subversion or unexpected damage to the bond of any sort.
By tuning into these micro-reactions it is possible to guide a submissive through an experience even if they themselves have difficulty experiencing, communicating or expressing their own emotions. If the sub is testing your power in subtle ways it is essential that this be addressed immediately. A sub will feel insecure and possibly rebellious if their subtle infractions go unnoticed. Or perhaps your partner isn’t feeling trust yet, and their resistance serves to bring the intimacy down to a level they are comfortable with.
BDSM is an art which trains all of the senses. Honing the ultimate sensing organ, the brain, can only enhance one’s experience. Tune in to the subtleties, the spirit of things, and take your relationships in play to a level you never anticipated.
Tune in, turn on and tie up!
Ms. Minx