Aug 092011

By Lucy Lemonade

Any proper Stepford kinkster understands that the brain is the largest erogenous zone. We may dress in prim cardigans or freshly ironed dress shirts, but our filthy words can melt glass. Dirty talk, like any foreign language, can be learned with a little time and concentration. Books can be extremely helpful. This month I introduce a proper lady’s new best friend The Nice Girl’s Guide to Talking Dirty.

Dr. Ruth Neustifter penned this perfect summer read that’s sure to draw the eye of a cabana boy/girl while you’re sunning on the beach. This guide can provide tawdry words to utter over the rim of your daiquiri at noon, or teacup at dinner. Dirty talk is the best kinky activity that can be done in public or private and usually leads to much more physical activities.

Dr. Neustifter leads you through a variety of exercises to draw those nasty words right out of you. This book doesn’t rely on scripts, but engages you to create your personal connection with the words themselves. One of the first steps includes the creation of your own dirty talk style. My style is that of a patient tigress, slowly toying with her prey. Nice Girl’s Guide to Talking Dirty builds self-confidence and acceptance, not repetition of vulgarities. It is not just about talking dirty. It’s about communication and expression of desire as well.

One of my favorite exercises uses language to describe an object. I’m sure you can figure out what harmless thing I’m referencing below:

“The earthy, unmistakable scent draws me near. Rippling waves of mocha, warm in my cupped hands. Steam billows and dances above you, inviting me to purse my lips and blow it aside with cool air. And then it’s a cascade of velvety sweet fluid washing across my tongue. Complex, milky bliss. My caffeine heaven.”

One of my liquid sources of energy sounds awfully sexy. In fact I have just seduced myself into pouring another cup. Dr. Neustifter includes some steamy examples of other couples’ dirty conversations. While this book is geared toward the ladies, men can find it to be an interesting read as well. Nice Girl’s Guide to Talking Dirty has a good mix of couples, keeping away from purely heteronormative terms.

In this era of newfangled technology, examples are also given from texts and emails. As much as I love a rotary phone, using those tiny keys on my cellphone can create some long distance steam, dancing over the airwaves. I believe sexting has become one of the best technology upgrades in the word of seduction.

If learning how to embrace a silver tongue excites you, pop over to your local bookstore to request a copy, or look for The Nice Girl’s Guide to Talking Dirty by Dr. Ruth Neustifter while shopping online. Soon you’ll be wooing them with words!