As a young boy, discovering the world of sexuality consisted of sneaking off to watch porn and getting misinformation about sex from older kids. Pornography taught me that my sexual experiences should be self-indulgent and emotionally detached. My friends taught me that it’s all about making the girls scream my name. Before I even had a chance to lose my virginity, I felt the uneasy pressure of being a “top performer” for my future sexual partners. The goal of bringing a female to a climax had power over my ego before I even fully understood what an orgasm really was.
Fast forward to my sex life as an adult, I was past the initial pressure of bringing my partners to an orgasm. I was very confident in pleasing women and enjoyed doing so. I would always ask my partners “Did you cum?” One day a former lover of mine explained to me how asking if she came made her feel “pressured” to cum. I finally realized I was inviting the orgasm to sweep in and take power away from her ego as well, by making her think if she didn’t cum, something must be wrong with her.
It is time for us to realize that intimacy itself should not be based around having an orgasm. When we focus solely on the orgasm itself, we create an “orgasmic entity” that we have to feed by bringing it to life. When we enter a sacred space of intimacy and give unconditionally without any expectations, we learn to simply enjoy sharing our essence within that moment. This is how deeper orgasms are experienced naturally.
Attending my first tantra workshop with Kenya and Carl Stevens introduced me to an even deeper understanding of the orgasm. I learned how we are energy beings and our connection can be consciously experienced beyond the flesh. When I started to incorporate energy work into my sex life, I reached a point where I started experiencing “energetic orgasms” without ejaculating.
For most of my life, I believed my sexual experience should end with a physical disperse. I learned that an “orgasm” and “ejaculation” does not have to be one in the same. By switching my perspective of sex to being beyond the physical aspect, I was introduced to a new world where I could have multiple orgasms without spilling my seed of life, unless I consciously choose to do so.
When we take back power from the orgasm, we empower ourselves to connect deeper with the essence of who we really are. Within this sacred space the orgasm naturally becomes a part of the experience.
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