Is Monogamy Natural?

 Posted by on February 12, 2013
Feb 122013

istock_000019333456medium-500x333-300x199-6753938As I continue to grow and evolve, my perspectives often change and expand.  This is normal for anyone who is a seeker of truth.  The rabbit hole of knowledge is an infinite bottomless pit that expands for infinity.  The more you discover, the more your views broaden.

With that being said, there was a time when I believed monogamous relationships were unnatural.  I would introduce people to points that were made within the popular book “Sex at Dawn” which supported this claim.  I would also express that it was impossible for monogamy to be natural when we are attracted and drawn to so many different people throughout our lives.

I have recently begun to look at the concept of monogamy from a slightly different angle.  I no longer view monogamy as being unnatural.  I believe it is very natural for two people who love each other unconditionally to be completely committed to each other.  The concept of monogamy is not unnatural, it is simply limiting.

We have been programmed by our societal construct to believe that there is only one way a relationship should be experienced.  Our obsession with monogamy goes beyond generational influences.  It is also openly accepted because it caters to our own insecurities.  Many of us are not capable of loving ourselves, so we long for someone else to fill in that void.  Whenever this is the case, monogamous relationships become co-dependencies.

Before two people can engage in a healthy monogamous relationship, they both have to be secure with who they are and love themselves completely with flaws and all.  When this is the case, you stop looking for partners to fill a subconscious void.  This translates into experiencing relationships that are based on true “companionship” as opposed to “ownership.” Within this type of connection, commitment and freedom are experienced at the same time.  The desire to attach a ball and chain to the one you love disappears. You simply allow the partnership to last as long as it may, whether it is a season or a lifetime.

Monogamy is natural, but our current module is plagued with our own insecurities.  Every relationship we experience brings our inner pain to the surface.  If we choose to face these demons with the desire to heal and love ourselves more, we begin to experience healthier monogamous relationships.

Once this occurs the possibility of connecting with people outside of your partnership will no longer be a threat to your bond.  Connecting with other people whether platonically, sexually or both will simply be a new way to express freedom within your individuality.  Sharing space with someone outside of your partnership does not have to equate to being less committed.  Our ego jumps to this conclusion because we want to feel as if we are the only ones who should be entitled to experience the person we “own.”  If ownership is the foundation of your relationship, your connection is not based on unconditional love.

Unconditional love can be experienced within the limits of monogamy and within the vastness of open relationships as long as two people are committed to loving themselves just as much as they love their partners.  It is not a matter of  “right” or “wrong” when it comes to choosing the kind of relationship you want to experience.  The goal should be to have a healthy relationship in general.