Service Advice

 Posted by on July 18, 2010
Jul 182010

Dear Sarah:

As a service submissive I know my voice should be respectful when I’m addressing my dominant, but I have a naturally bratty tone to my voice. What can I do to improve that, and make sure that I sound as polite as I want to?

Oh, the joys of our tone of voice. Very, very few people know what they sound like, and even fewer have even considered changing their tone to become more effective communicators. But like professionals of all types, you’ve determined (whether through feedback from your dominant, or your own self-awareness) that your tone of voice is a potential barrier to the kind of interactions that you crave.

Do you know why your voice is coming across a bit brattier than you want it to? Is it a reaction to stress, a subtle need to challenge your dominant, a reminder to yourself that you retain final control – or something totally different? Do you know when you’re doing it – or are you relying on having someone point it out to you? Take a bit of a look at the times that your tone of voice is less than what you’d like, and try to make note of what’s happening internally when that happens – there may be some core issues to work on, in addition to changing the way that you present yourself vocally.

To work on your actual voice, you’ll want to get a very clear idea of how you sound. You can easily use your computer’s microphone & free recording software to get a better picture of what you sound like; you may even wish to ask your dominant if you may be permitted to record a conversation with them so that you can better identify the particular challenges you want to work on. As you listen to your voice, be mindful of when you sound bratty. Often, it’s our vocal inflection; we accent certain words or parts of sentences in a way that can be construed as sarcasm. We may even find that we can hear a “sneer” when we say some words or phrases.

Once you have a solid awareness of how you sound, it’s time to make changes. The best initial step we can take is to not respond immediately; instead, take a deep breath and release it slowly before speaking, and envision in our minds the respect and attitude that we truly feel towards the person to whom we are speaking, and then say what we need to say. Creating a moment of pause for us to consider what we’re saying, and how, jars our minds into learning a new pattern of communication that meets our needs in better ways. You also may want to examine your word choices as you do this; some words are more prone to be combative than others. I imagine my most passive-aggressive moments when I think of this; saying things like “Fine”, or “If you say so”, or even responding “Yes, Daddy” in some tones of voice can be ways for me to show a lack of respect, rather than my appreciation and willingness to do what is needed.

No change happens quickly, so this may take time; however, if you are honest and open with your dominant about your efforts to make changes to become a more respectful-sounding submissive, I feel pretty certain that they will be pleased with your work, and will be willing to meet you half way in your attempts to learn more appropriate ways to communicate.