To Be or Not To Be of Service

 Posted by on November 14, 2010
Nov 142010

By Miss Indigo

I knew this moment would come. The moment where my partner would ask me to try something we have never tried before. For months, we have been carefully watching other couples, trying to learn how we want to do this polyamory thing. We’ve seen couples who date other couples, couples who play with others individually and couples who use Dominant and Submissive dynamics to maintain their relationships. So I wondered when the moment would come when my partner mentioned the relationship dynamic she wanted to try. A few weeks ago, she started to give me subtle hints.

A few Friday’s ago, my partner begged me to attend a workshop by Laine entitled A Servant’s Toolkit – Guide to being prepared. During the workshop, we were given a lengthy hand out with detailed instructions on how to put together various service kits, for trips, play dates, evening outings or even a day trip around town. Much of Laine’s experience around prep work for being a service bottom included making lists of the items that are most important to whoever you are being of service to and being armed and ready if anything comes up during your time of service.

The idea of being organized and prepared intrigued me. I have been a Girl Scout much of my life and our motto “Be Prepared” has always stuck with me. But I could hardly predict that I would be using the motto to prepare for serving my partner. Now I finally knew what she was hinting at.

So being the good partner I am and always being open to being a willing participant, I decided to take on some of my partner’s request to service her. I will admit, before I got started, I was a bit skeptical. I’m very openly a bottom but being a bottom that is of service is a totally new and different concept. Performing duties for another provokes images of an indentured servant and as a black woman, the last thing I want to do is channel feelings of servitude and slavery.

But I figured I would leave my politics out of my personal life for a moment and try something that I knew would please my girlfriend.

We decided to start with a simple service: Putting on and taking off my partner’s shoes before and after we left the house together. I tried it a few times and I actually liked it. My partner was quite pleased (mostly because I tie really good tight knots) and I was rewarded with a mini-make out session afterwards. I started to think this might just be a win/win situation: her shoes are tied so I certainly don’t have to roll my eyes about them coming undone during the day and I got rewarded with a loving kisses.

Of course there have been times where I was not at all in the space to be of service. My mind is completely preoccupied and I find myself wishing my partner had another willing female submissive to do her bidding. But in the end I think being willing to take on a new role in our relationship is important because my priority is to keep my partner happy and coming back for more. Sometimes this might mean considering her needs over my own. Embarking on being in service is just a reminder that choosing a relationship means choosing to complete selfless acts. Those selfless acts are expressions of gratitude and love. And for this developing service bottom, it just might be worth it.