Posted by on June 17, 2011
Jun 172011

By Lucy Lemonade

Being a larger woman I have battled body image issues throughout my life. When I got involved in the kink community I worried about how I would handle these issues. Fetish clothing is usually tight to the body and much more revealing than I’ve been comfortable with in my “vanilla” life. Do they even make black rubber dresses higher than a size 12?

I managed to find outfits I found acceptable, though I wouldn’t consider them fetish clothing. I attended my first public events in low cut tops, leggings and tightly fitted skirts. The reaction was positive. I got compliments that raised my confidence levels. I hadn’t expected to be so easily accepted into the community. At that time I was flirting with a more submissive mindset. When my desire turned toward a dominant role, something about this style of dress began to feel odd to me despite that acceptance and new found confidence.

My body hugging attire felt like it was taking power from me, instead of offering me power. My clothes were screaming “Look at me, approach me!” I have always enjoyed having a certain mysterious nature. This was not exactly the message I wanted to send. I wasn’t looking to repel people. However I wanted people to approach me like a lady and have more etiquette. As antiquated as that may sound. I like manners, even though I do tend to swear like a sailor!

If I want people to approach me like a lady, perhaps I should dress like one. I called on the gender roles and stereotypes of the past for ideas. When I say “lady” I mean a sophisticated woman. In a scene filled with half naked women, the art of concealment gives me that mystery I crave. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not wrapped in robes or adorned with a nun’s habit. Though I do see the merit in both outfits, that’s not the look I’m going for.

Using color in my dresses makes me approachable in a different way. Overtly feminine kink gives subtle cues on how to treat me. Turning a style of dress that is traditionally the “weaker sex” into a dominant role is deliciously fun. A hint of cleavage is more alluring to me than full frontal nudity unless perhaps it’s Dita Von Teese in sequined pasties.

There is such a push for women in the kink community to show skin. It is assumed that breasts should be hoisted up with corsets and skirts so high they might as well be called belts. If this style of dress makes you happy, by all means hoist away. The community is a place to express yourself.

If you are more like me and want your admirers to work for the privilege to see some skin. Don’t underestimate the art of concealment. It can offer a strong sense of empowerment and control. And it’s all about control isn’t it?