To fully understand how we connect within relationships, we have to realize that we are energy beings that reside within a human vehicle. When we go through life holding on to pain we have experienced in past relationships, we begin to create a build up of resentment that blocks our natural flow of energy. Some people release this built up energy of resentment they have for ex-partners by projecting it onto new potential partners. Some of the most common ways that people punish their potential partners for past experiences is by not trusting, comparing them to others, falsely accusing and assuming.
Not being able to trust other people is directly linked to not being able to trust yourself or your intuition. Once you begin to clear out the blockages of the past, you begin to get a better feel for people because your heart is more open. Whenever you have trust issues, you end up being trapped in your mind. When this happens you deny the feelings of the heart that properly guide you. The negative scenarios from the past play over and over in your mind, and you expect them to surface again through the new people in your life. As a defensive mechanism, you punish them for your pain because you figure if you hurt them just enough to keep a slight distance, they will never get a chance to hurt you deeply.
When you compare your current partner to others, you make them feel less than. I have even been guilty of this, and I realize now how unbalanced of me it was to express my pain by doing so in the past. We should always allow our partners to be exactly who they are without pressuring them to be who they are not. What that being said, once you create a comfortable space for them to be their authentic self, it is then up to you to recognize if you are compatible with who they really are or not. It is very healthy for partners to influence each other’s growth and healing, but it is a process that needs to have a natural flow for it to work properly.
Falsely accusing and assuming can also be linked to not trusting yourself or others. In most cases, those who accuse and assume are also doing exactly what they are accusing the next person of doing and being paranoid is a reflection of their guilt surfacing. Accusing and assuming are based on negative mental images that dominate your thought process. Tuning into your intuition and getting a feel for a situation is different because this recognition is outside of your mind and based on the perception of your essence. When you learn how to let your heart be the captain of your ship, the distractions of your mental hang ups will not be as influential for the decisions you make when it comes to connecting with people.
And last but not least another common way that people punish others is by using people as rebounds when a relationship ends. The damage of this action is so deep beneath the surface that most people don’t even realize that damage is being done. When you have sex with someone as a way to get your ex-partner off of your mind, you are literally energetically using that person as an emotional punching bag. You are not present and connecting with them in that moment. It is as if you are using them and ignoring them at the same time. They will notice this disconnect, if not consciously, subconsciously. When the both of you merge this close on a physical and energetic level, you inject your pain directly into their energetic aura. This negatively affects the vibration of the person you choose to use as a distraction for your unresolved pain.
We can choose not to punish others for our painful experiences of the past. It is up to us to be more responsible with our emotions. By doing so we will begin to experience relationships that catapult us to levels of companionship and bliss that are unfathomable.