Based on a true story
By AliceSin Aerie
Not long ago, in a place just near by, I was hosting a kink community party. No dress code was required at the establishment, but dressing for the theme, in fetish wear or basic black was strongly encouraged. As the clock neared closing time and the crowd began to thin, terrific screams could be heard from the back room where two Dominant Women had a submissive man stripped and bound with his hands above his head. I smirked at the sounds emanating from the room as I peeked in, obviously a good time was being had by all.
“Ow! No! Please Mistress…yes please!”
I could hear the women talking in lower voices, ending the scene, taking him down. The man in the cardigan stood, still watching slack-jawed as he had been, as if he didn’t or couldn’t hear that his presence had factored into the end of the fun.
Do I think that you are going to kill every scene with a bad fashion choice? No.
Do I think that people who don’t make any effort to observe the dress code can be a buzzkill? Yes!
I hear the battle cry before the debate even begins “This is America! I’m entitled to freedom of expression! I’m subversive that’s how I AM. I don’t have fancy clothes!”
Yes, you are entitled to wear what you want. I support you in that. However, I also support your potential host in denying you entry because you have not shown appreciation or respect of their efforts to make the event enjoyable for everyone.
If you want to go to a party where your host recommends or requests a certain mode of dress and you completely disregard it you are sending a message. You either a) believe you are superior to everyone else or b) don’t care to show respect your peers or your hosts. Ascribing to both A&B is also an option.
If you’re at the party, you are the party. Even if you have you have attended to watch or socialize, remember you will be watched. A display of disregard is triply bad for the opportunistic troll. Who, in addition to wearing an ensemble that debuted in the Soup Kitchen fall line, will beg any & all comers to scene with them, sometimes begging while the person is already mid-scene with someone else. (This is an entirely separate column!)
If you are a mouth-breathing troll, I doubt this message will reach you. If you are the sort of person who doesn’t wish to be confused with the former, I have some tips for you:
Try. Read the party description or invitation carefully. There are many ways to stand be your unique self and be comfortable while making a even a small gesture that indicates you appreciate your hosts.
Dress up. I don’t mean in costume per se, I mean get out your best. Even a plain Jane or John looks more sharp in their best suit or dress.
Black is the new black. No matter how meager your wardrobe or budget may be, you’ve got something black in your closet. If all else fails, wear your best jeans or trousers and get a 3 pack of black t-shirts from your local grocery or discount – now you’ve got 3 outfits!
What about a black cardigan? : )
First, it’s a shame that how someone looks is more of a buzzkill to you than any actual action of the particular person. Second, if you don’t want people wearing certain clothing to come to your event, make a dress code that gets enforced instead of encouraged.
Finally, if someone in your eye sight is wearing something that sets you off like that? Get a blindfold or play at home.
I actually hate dress codes. Don’t get me wrong, I like it when people dress up. But what makes me most comfortable? When people are comfortable in what they are wearing, no matter what it might be.
I agree with Heather, if you have a dress code, that’s one thing. But it ridiculous to expect that everyone is going to express themselves in the same way and want to do that.
Wearing black doesn’t make you part of a community. Helping create safe spaces and non-judgmental environments, that what creates community.