I recently had the experience of becoming friends with my fear.
Fear can exist in many ways and in Buddhism, it is one of the key beliefs of meditation, and throughout your day, you have to sit with it. Not push it away, not try to block it out, but acknowledge that thoughts exist and come back to the present. It’s one of the three parts of meditation, at least in the meditation that I practice, and as a play partner reminds me, fear is simply in my mind.
Fear can exist in any form. It can exist in the form of being fearful of a new relationship or fear of the relationship itself. Fear exists on a daily basis, both in the vanilla world and kink world. Many of our limits are based on the feeling of fear, not fact.
There are books, essays, and classes based on getting over fear. Buddha even experienced fear when he was searching for enlightenment.
It’s a human emotion.
It’s a fetish for some people on different levels.
It’s something that can be healed therapeutically through both spirituality and sexuality.
I had an enlightening experience with my fears as of late. Now remember before playing with any fear, if it’s a phobia where it will do permanent harm it isn’t good to use that as a basis for kink. For people who view kink as spiritual, and there are those including myself who do, taking time to look at fear in a kink way can be meditative, releasing, and healing. This obviously differs for each individual but playing with fear, allowing trust and confidence in yourself, can be a meditative experience.
There are a few ways to allow any fear play to be meditative. There is obviously the discussion, consensual and beforehand, on any play. In regards to meditation, this is preparing yourself for your actions. Why are you doing it? Is it going to improve the relationship or is it for your own general mental/emotional state? In my case I had a few weeks where I quietly contemplated what it would be like to get over this fear, to feel a release, and in some instances, I simply allowed my thoughts to move in and out. I didn’t freak out when I had paranoia about what my Owner may or may not do during play and I sat with my feelings and anxiety.
Meditation is really the practice of sitting with your thoughts. This can happen in various ways. It doesn’t have to be sitting. It can be while doing a chore or dishes, walking (it’s a recognized form in shrines and in different forms of meditation), or even doing a quiet activity like knitting (there are books on Buddhism and knitting) or writing blogs. However this happens for you, the concept of fear play includes a build-up which I suggest sitting with it and noticing your feelings.
The activity could be meditative. There is a concept of breath and energy play that can be connected to fear play. This is also known to be used for pain processing, breathing within the interactions of play. It’s almost like doing yoga and breathing while moving in the postures and it is another intense way to enjoy fear. Breath in when there’s an impact or a sensation, slowly allow yourself to breath out, and if your partner wants to, the breathing can become in synch if both of you are into the play.
What was my meditative experience? I got to get “my Buddhist” on while experiencing needle play for the first time. My interactions, my breathing, my spirituality are all important when experiencing this.
The opportunity came up, and after getting comfortable with the idea I had, I became entranced in this calming mood that I achieve after meditation. I had done this type of meditation before from other fears like riding a horse, lightning storms, and any new relationship. Breathing is my friend.
When I finally interacted with it, the fear was gone and I realized that I was having a connection with my Owner. I was giving trust that he could handle my fear. The moment that I felt the needle underneath my skin, slowly breathing, and concentrating really on the movement of the needle while being present, helped me along the path of tackling fearfulness in my life.