I decided to meditate before a play session earlier this month. I had a busy morning. I had some spiritual meetings to attend before I came back to being present for a play session, and since I was hyper-focused on everything going on, short of what I really should have been focusing on, I decided to become present with myself. It’s really not the first time that I have used meditation in my submission. I have used it before, in the past, as a form of pain processing and how I get ready for a session. For anyone who has been told to breathe through the pain, that is a level of meditation, of being present with your partner and what the activity is.
For about ten minutes my body went into this calming space. It wasn’t really a “pre-approved” posture… but really, to feel every movement of air coming from the window, to sense my senses awakening, and to hear every noise was a surreal experience. Traveling through subspace, I tend to forget to check in with my body, which really is paired with being sane in play. If someone is into humiliation play, it’s a fabulous way to know that even though there is a particular role or position someone takes with a partner, at the end of the day, it’s really about “being human”.
Meditation introduces the concept as “being human”. There’s this concept of drunken monkeys that gets applied to the human brain. Various friends have told me, both kink and vanilla, that when they meditate all this noise and commotion in their head, which is usually very difficult to turn off, does not allow them to achieve peacefulness. It is not about achieving anything. If all you hear is commotion, just acknowledge it. In a scene, there are all these sensations that the endorphins are really a replacement for the drunken monkeys. It’s human; no one is always present in the moment, but being able to have time to focus on what is happening right then brings a light on the situation. Are you kneeling in a certain position? Are you on all fours? Are you dressing up as a 1950’s house mother? What is the role you are taking on and how do you feel about it?
Communication comes from both parties and from within. In my own struggles, I have things that scare me both in play and in non-play service. I have been known to go off the deep-end for things that make no sense, that are really (wo)man-made and because I haven’t been present with myself and haven’t been taking care so it slowly toddles into other parts of my life.
Meditation is another form of communication. It’s non-verbal; it’s communication throughout the body, which does remind a person that at the end of the day, no one is a machine or perfect. Perfection is an illusion. Normal is an illusion. My saying is, when I mention that I just want “normal”, normal is relative by what my general “state” of being is. Normalcy is different to the next person, or to one of my close friends, or to even my Dominant. Their normal may not make sense to me.
Grasping at a concept and trying to force the concept through, really is not being present. It is the best time to do that super edge play activity and on the other end of the scenario punishment is helpful when forgetting to do one rule… but it comes into play after re-connecting to ones self.