All Posts – Page 22 – Fearless Press

Black Sheep

Posted by Heather Cole on November 2, 2012

Nov 022012

Last week my three-year-old started nursery school. My ex-husband chose a Catholic school nearby and I agreed that we should enroll her there. I squelched my trepidation and tried to focus on the benefits of a Catholic education. Although we had agreed to raise our daughter Catholic years before she was born, my relationship with the church had gone through massive changes in the interim. When I walked through the doors of the Catholic pre-school, my hackles were raised and I was ready for battle. I didn’t know what I was fighting exactly, but I was prepared for anything.

As I waited in the circular reception area to speak with the coordinator, I watched the teachers pass back and forth between classrooms, clearly preparing for an onslaught of students and the beginning of a new academic year. They all smiled at me and a few said hello. I stared at the mural of Jesus painted on the wall and said a quick prayer for kindness and understanding. Surely, I thought given everything that has passed between us over the last year, I would be granted some benevolence with my first foray back into Christian waters. With that thought I felt some of the tension drain from my shoulders.

The coordinator was just as friendly as the teachers and listened attentively as I stumbled through an explanation that my ex and I were divorced and that the idea of being co-parents was so much easier than the reality. I was adamant that she ensure the school correspondence went to both addresses, because my ex couldn’t be counted on for reliable communication. Heat rose to my cheeks with embarrassment. It’s a thin line between airing enough of your dirty laundry to give context and ending up on the Jerry Springer Show. The coordinator smiled through my awkwardness, patted my hand and then ushered me to my daughter’s classroom. I sensed no condemnation from her and no criticism of my failed marriage. For the first time in a very long time, I felt the stirrings of a need for a new spiritual home.

Church was one of the first things divided when my ex-husband and I split. As our relationship crumbled, I stopped attending church with him. He would take our daughter and I would head to the coffee shop to work on my novel. I couldn’t stand the thought of sitting next to him, looking like a unified family, especially when the first thing he did was consult a priest about an annulment. Ironically, I hadn’t done anything kinky at that point. My fantasies about bondage and sadomasochism were precisely that…fantasies. However, the priest told my ex that based on my “unnatural” desires, he would be granted an annulment. It was after that declaration from the priest that I stopped considering church altogether. It wasn’t the annulment that was the issue; it was the label of being something abhorrent that crushed me. I was struggling to accept myself and my desires. What if God couldn’t accept me either?

Worshiping God has always meant faith and support to me. When I needed it the most however, I didn’t feel like it was available. I was cut off from my religious community by a priest who didn’t know me and who didn’t understand BDSM. Luckily my daughter’s school is part of a different church, a different congregation. I want to share that part of her life and education going forward, so I’m biting the bullet and dipping my toes into faith once again. This time around I know who I am. Will God love me exactly as I am, kinky bits and all? He made me this way, so I certainly hope so. More importantly, will a new congregation accept me into their fold? Because this black sheep is finally looking for a home.

Access This

Posted by ShannaKatz on November 1, 2012

Nov 012012

Accessibility. We tend to give that a lot of lip service, whether we’re talking about sex education or kink events, but honestly, do we even know what that actually means? In conversation about events, we speak to wanting them to be accessible, and everyone nods their head, but how do we know what accessible is and what it looks like for different communities?

For some, accessible is a literal translation of the word; is there physical access? This can be interpreted to mean can folks in wheelchairs attend. While that is certainly a good start, let’s think about what physical accessibility really means. If there is a person who has impaired vision, will there be someone to direct them to where the event is if there are not signs with braille? Will a seat be made available on the end of a row or at the front for a person with a guide dog? If there is a presentation or workshop, will an ASL interpreter be provided upon request? I cannot tell you the number of emails I get from people who asked their local kink or sex education even for an interpreter, and were told it was “too expensive” or “not needed for just one deaf person.” This is ridiculous, and how dare events bill themselves as “accessible” when in fact, the same events use ableist language to turn down requests for that very accessibility.

Then there is locale accessibility. Is it near public transit for folks who don’t have cares to attend? How about parking; is there a lot, or parallel, or pay parking? Are all of the events and workshop being put on inside the main metro city, making it difficult for folks in smaller cities and rural areas to come on out? Is it in a little known or hidden space, and if so, are adequate directions provided so people are wandering in circles just to get a flogging or learn about the G-spot.

And of course, financial accessibility. Yes yes, we know, most people/groups/events/businesses want to make money, or at the very least, break even. Yes, space costs money, refreshments cost money, speakers cost money. However, when sex education classes are 25 bucks (or more) a pop for an hour class, and parties are upwards for $25 or $30, we need to realize that as a community, we are leaving people out. Students, folks on disability, aging folks, you name it; these people are on restricted incomes, and we can make it as “accessible” as we want, but if we don’t offer volunteer opportunities, sliding scale options, etc, we are shutting are doors to these folks.

What are some solutions? Perhaps your space is up a flight of stairs; note this on the flyer, and consider having volunteers willing to carrying up folks in chairs who might be interested in attending anyways. Concerned about the cost for an ASL interpreter? Ask around and see if there is a trained member of the community who might be willing to do it at a discount to give back. Event out in the middle of nowhere? Coordinate carpooling. Not easy to find? Have a volunteer help direct people who will be attending. Food and drink driving up your event’s cost? Consider hosting it as a pot luck. Can’t lower prices for everyone? Respond on a case-to-case basis, reducing costs for people will to volunteer, market the event, bring a certain number of people, etc.

Often times, when we get into the nitty-gritty of what accessibility is, people shut down. They feel it is too hard, or not needed, or not worth their time. Here’s the deal; it can be hard, but by reaching out the community, you can get help and support, and truly create accessible spaces…and if that means that just one or two more people can attend who might have never been able to attend a sex positive, educational or kink event before can actually attend? Then yes, it IS absolutely worth it.

Halloween Costumes Enforcing Gender Roles

Posted by Erin McKelle on October 31, 2012

Oct 312012

Today is Halloween, which means eating candy until you puke, prank calling everyone you know and dressing up in fabulous costumes. Speaking of costumes, Have you noticed how Halloween costumes seem to be…designed differently for men and women? Costumes seem to always be gendered and clearly “belong” to one gender or another. And not just that….it seems that the costumes designed for women are much more sexualized than those for men.

Women’s costumes, no matter their theme, seem to always heir some type of sex appeal. Clearly, you can see a difference in these images. There is such a clear line of gender difference here, that forces women to be hot and sexy. For Halloween, you have to be dressed provocatively to even be in the norm!But at the same time, we see men’s costumes reflecting strength and dominance. Just look how they are standing…the women are in more vulnerable and sexually suggestive poses, while the men have their limbs spread and feet planted firmly on the ground. Their costumes also don’t leave them vulnerable or exposed, giving them a sense of power.

It is these gender roles and dynamics that also play out in our society. In many ways, Halloween costumes are a reflection of that. They showcase both what is socially acceptable and valuable as well as our ideas about men and women. It reinforces our stereotyped ideals about how men and women should behave.

Stepping out of this box has more consequences for women. Nudity or sexually suggestive clothing is much more taboo on female’s and seen as a moral failing on her part. With men it is not the same way…provocative clothing isn’t as sexualized and is also seen as humorous. Even if it is seen as sexy, there isn’t the sense of moral disparity that exists for women. The man is just simply seen as sexy, not judged or ridiculed for dressing in such a way.

I think all of this lends to the fact that we need to be more critical about how we think about clothing and gender. On Halloween, we shouldn’t condemn girls for dressing like “sluts” nor harass them into showing more skin. Costumes for women, though, should have more diversity and not be as sexually focused as they are, since it seems like women have no other choice but to wear a sexy costume! Halloween costumes reflect our society’s attitudes on sex and gender, but don’t have to reflect yours.

Using the Force

Posted by Sea on October 30, 2012

Oct 302012

Editors Note: This article is about consensual BDSM. The author nor the site condones any time of non-consensual abuse.

If someone wants to be beaten and is beaten, are they really being beaten? Of course they are!

If someone wants to be tied up and is tied up, are they really being tied up? Of course they are!

If someone wants to be forced and is forced, are they really being forced? Of course they are! Usually. It depends.

Sure, this point can seem a bit paradoxical. One example of when I see this question come up is when a sub expresses an interest in forced bisexuality. The argument against the forced scenario is that it is not forced because he wants it and in reality he must be repressing his sexual urges. And often the person presenting this argument goes on to point out that there is no physical force involved—that the absence of physical force further undermines the claim of being forced.

First, I forcefully refute the latter point and invite you to consider what it is to be forced. For our purposes, to be forced means to be ordered and does not require physical compulsion or for someone to Leah hand on you.

After all, imagine that a friend tells you that a Trooper forced him to back his car over his radar detector. Who here gets an image of a trooper pointing a gun at your friend, saying, “So, punk, are you going to back your car over that radar detector or do I need to arrange some ventilation for your brain?”

What happens if your friend recalls the occasion when a principal forced him to spit his gum out? Who here imagines a principal tackling and getting your friend in a headlock saying, “Spit it out or I squeeze harder! I said spit it out!”

So if a sub is being ordered to do something by someone of greater authority, which is the objective and a norm of sorts in D/s situations, it is colloquially reasonable to say he is being forced. You can use the word ordered or compelled if you like. But let’s move on to the bigger point of whether the scenario is forced for this point about terminology is just some light Saber rattling.

How can it be forced if he wants it? Isn’t he just shifting the responsibility for some taboo onto someone else? There is some basis to this argument but I am only Luke warm to it.

Wanting to do something and being forced to do something are not mutually exclusive. Imagine someone who wants to quit smoking but cannot do it on his own. Imagine that he wants someone to force him to quit. So even if the submissive wants it, it can be forced if it is something he struggles to do on his own due to inner conflict.

And sometimes the submissive does not want the activity in the least but simply likes the idea of being forced. For example, suppose a sub likes to be forced to lick a toilet.

It’s not that he enjoys the cool, smooth texture of porcelain on his tongue. It’s that he enjoys being forced to do something that is generally thought to be unpleasant, or something that he considers unpleasant. He enjoys it because one person forcing another to do something undesired or even unpleasant shows an authority difference. He enjoys it because one person forcing another to do something unpleasant shows sadism. So the activity is one means to an end—to be under another’s authority and to be the object of sadism.

If we say an act of submission is not really submission if the submissive wants to do it then that argument leads to the claim that one cannot really get submission from submissives and this argument implodes. Or explodes. Perhaps both.

Now, if the situation is one where a submissive is directing the show then the matter becomes a bit Chewy. For example, imagine a sub ordering a dominant how to dominate.

“No, no, not like that you idiot! Do it harder! Make it hurt good and force me!”

I am not sure if he is being forced. I am more sure that he will soon be without a partner and is going to be left to play with his hands solo.

Let’s Talk

Posted by Airial Clark on October 29, 2012

Oct 292012

Over in the sex education, public health, youth advocacy sphere, the month of October has been selected for the month to encourage parents to talk to their children about sexuality. The public health campaign is simply called, “Let’s Talk” it was started by the awesome Advocates For Youth, They support parents and caregivers in their role as the primary sex educator in their child’s life. Which is not an easy task. I wrote a post for them earlier this month and a funny conversation between myself and a new acquaintance who overheard me describing the topic of the article I wrote and how it didn’t really apply to parents who have an alternative sexuality. I was reflecting on how the majority of the sex ed material offered to parents assumes we are all heterosexual, monogamous and vanilla.

“Just encouraging parents to discuss that kind of sex openly and honestly with their kids is a big step forward,” I said to a friend who is BDSM identified and a parent of teens.

The friend of friend then piped up, “Who would want to know that about their parents?” And she cocked her head to the side, “Would I have wanted to know my parents were into kink?”

This person did have children and so she chose to view the situation from the kid’s perspective.

“Well,” I countered, “it’s not so much about the parent providing lurid details of their own sexual behavior, or even a parent encouraging their child to be kinky. It’s more about the parent having the option to be honest.”

“Why?”

“Because if a parent’s lived experience around sexuality differs from the heterosexual, penis-in-vagina sex, there’s no role models or support for them to talk about it in an age-appropriate because their sexuality is considered inappropriate at any age.”

That’s when the dawn of recognition broke across her face. We live in a culture where sexual activity between consenting adults, adults who are informed, enthusiastic and sober, can be labeled as inappropriate for other adults to even be made aware of. The idea of sharing with your adult children that you are kink identified is taboo. So in addition to the Let’s Talk Campaign, I’m encouraging a Let’s Think Campaign! Let’s think about ways to discuss the spectrum of sexual behavior in age-appropriate ways. It’s a challenge, folks. I’ll be revisiting this topic regularly. So feel free to chime in!

Would you be? Wood, you be.

Posted by MakoAllen on October 28, 2012

Oct 282012

A central concept in Taoism is that of p’u, the uncarved block. When a woodcarver looks at such a block, he can see within its simple material the potential to be many things. He can shape it into a knife, a spoon, a spear, a bowl, even a paddle. By his choice, action, and skill the carver can dictate what he thinks the wood should become. This is an immense power. It is also a source of great trouble.

18.

In the degradation of the great way

come benevolence and righteousness.

With the exaltation of learning and prudence

comes immense hypocrisy.

The disordered family

is full of dutiful children and parents.

The disordered society

is full of loyal patriots.

Just like the carver and his block, we use our own opinions, our own judgment to shape the world as we see fit, sometimes unwittingly. Lao-tzu had many examples where exercising judgment led to discord.

You don’t have to look farther than a political discussion to see the strife between liberals and conservatives, each convinced that their way is the right way.

Every family has its power struggles and issues, black sheep, controlling parents, and family mores.

Learning and wisdom come from many sources. Some of the smartest, most capable people I know never went to college. Yet our society regularly condemns those who don’t follow the typical educational path.

Kink is no stranger to this sort of discord, either. SSC or RACK? Old guard or new wave? Bedroom or lifestyle? Sexual or sensual?

We endlessly segregate ourselves into camps, packs, factions, and movements. In a world already primed to see us as the “other”, we yet further subdivide and judge. Just ask a babyfur about this phenomenon sometime.

At the very heart of the matter is the fundamental issue. We define goodness, morality, right action, for ourselves, and others, too. We carve our own block, and everyone else’s at the same time.

Taoism doesn’t have sin per se. There are no commandments, only observations about the nature of humanity, and of nature itself. The Tao te Ching is filled with countless examples of behaviors, actions, and movements as observed in nature. The patterns of nature are observed, not judged.

Judgment separates you from reality. When you concern yourself with how or what you, or any one, or any thing else SHOULD be, you don’t fully see them for who and what they ARE. This practice is called mindfulness, or being fully present in the moment.

Lao-tzu had much to say about the good that arises from it.

19.

Stop being holy,

forget being prudent,

it’ll be a hundred times better for everyone.

Stop being altruistic,

forget being righteous,

people will remember what family feeling is.

Stop planning,

forget making a profit,

there won’t be any thieves and robbers.

But even these three rules

needn’t be followed;

what works reliably is

to know the raw silk,

hold the uncut wood.

Need little,

want less.

Forget the rules.

Be untroubled.

When everyone is unconcerned with the correct way to be holy, to act properly, they treat one another more kindly. In a family that does not judge, love and familial bonds grow. If profit isn’t one’s motive, then the incentive to theft is reduced.

But these aren’t rules, or even instruction, they’re observations.

How you put aside judgment is to see things for who and what they are. See the simplicity of a raw silk cloth; hold an uncarved block of wood in your hand. Don’t value them for what they may become, but for what they are now.

This can be with just about anything: other people, events, relationships, groups, and even how you perceive yourself.

It’s so tempting to think that some change in yourself, someone else, or some situation, will provide you with the happiness you seek.

This is why all these endless arguments of position, definition, and identity have persisted, and continue to do so, among kink communities.

But it’s an illusion. The truth is that we require a lot less than we think we do, and when we let go of those things we think we so desperately need, we find peace.

There is nothing wrong with identifying with a particular school of thought, or tradition, if it appeals to you. But it’s not the arbitrary structure of being old guard, or SSC, or bedroom-only, or Gorean, or anything that brings one peace.

What would we be, to be happy, we ask. Stop asking. Wood, you be.

A Halloween Makeup Primer

Posted by Heather Cole on October 27, 2012

Oct 272012

I am a makeup amateur. No lie. I wear it every single day, but I prefer the look that makes me appear like I’m not wearing any makeup. And to support my claim, I can open up my makeup bag and show you eyeshadow that I bought in honor of my nuptials. Nine years ago. Yes, darling reader, I’m still using the same blush that graced my cheeks on my wedding day. I also wore it in court for my divorce.

When my girlfriend suggested that we go to a fetish ball and dress up, I was super excited. I haven’t dressed up in years. Our conversation went something like this: She has a pith helmet! And a khaki dress! We’re on safari! And I’m the tiger! I’m wearing a white corset! I’m a Siberian tiger! Hold on… If I’m a tiger, I’m going to need makeup. Dammit, I need makeup!

The panic started, so I turned to my favorite social media of choice: Twitter. I sent my SOS out into the Twitterverse and tweeted that I needed makeup advice. Luckily I have some of the most awesome followers in the entire world, and Miss Mandy Lou came to my rescue. It confirmed something I’ve always believed. When in doubt, ask your friends.

Mandy Lou sent me an email full of links. Believe it or not, YouTube has a plethora of how-to makeup videos. Tiger faces, sexy cat faces, cute kitties, tiger stripes on eyelids, cheeks and neck… tigers, tigers everywhere. She also sent me links to her favorite products which was essential because I have so little makeup experience. As I explored techniques and brands, I realized how expensive my Siberian tiger endeavor could be. Even if you buy it at the drug store, makeup adds up. Being the budget- minded girl that I am, I asked for help again. This time aid arrived from my best friend who happens to have an addiction to eye shadow. She doesn’t wear it, but she buys it. I’ve never been so grateful for a friend’s vice.

Face paint, if you decide to go that route, can be purchased from a craft store. It’s mostly marketed for children, so sometimes you can catch a real deal on it. Remember to stay away from oil-based paints, because they smear and clog pores. If you choose to paint with regular makeup, like me, there are some simple things to cut down on costs. Makeup brushes are a great way to do this. Your local art supply store has great brushes. All sorts of brushes, and most art stores don’t carry the markup that department stores do.

Where did I sink the majority of my makeup budget? Primer. Until this Halloween, I had no idea what that was. Yes, I’m that much of a makeup newb. Primer is essential for your skin to hold color or foundation, whether it’s on your eyelids or cheeks. With primer your makeup will cover better and color will last longer. Miss Mandy Lou suggested primer from Urban Decay, and after reading a ton of glowing reviews I bought some

Now I’m watching videos, practicing techniques on the back of my hand and hoping that I’ll be steady enough to manage liquid eyeliner. My best friend is bringing a small suitcase of eyeshadow, and my corset arrived yesterday. The next challenge? Trying to take everything off.

A Touch of Consent

Posted by Robin Mandell on October 26, 2012

Oct 262012

Last weekend I experienced the following:

My hand was kissed in a gloriously, old-fashioned way I’ve only read about in books.

I touched a friend’s party dress and spike heels.

I received a lovely hug from an actress in the adult film industry.

Perhaps these situations seem unusual to you. Perhaps they seem unconnected. Perhaps they’re all in a day’s work, as they can sometimes be for me at conferences.

The threads these experiences have in common are permission and consent. Before kissing my hand, the person asked if he could. Indeed, he even asked permission before touching my hand. My friend asked if I’d like to touch her dress and shoes. The hug with the adult actress occurred after a polite handshake, pleasant conversation, and her request for a hug upon parting.

Also during that weekend I was thanked for giving someone permission to touch me as a way of getting my attention. I stated clearly to them how and where to touch me—a tap on the arm—if I seemed unaware that someone else wanted to speak with me. I did not expect to be thanked for telling someone how to communicate with me.

As a blind woman with a bilateral hearing impairment of significance, touch has always been important to me. In many ways, it’s the most secure way I have to interact with my environment through hearing, smell, kinetic awareness, etc. – senses that should not be discounted. As a child, I gobbled up the world of literature through my fingers, millions of Braille dots mapping other worlds and people—and yes, describing dresses and courtly hand-kisses. Touch, through fingers and through body, governs my sensuality, my love of preparing and eating good food, handling the beautiful or useful things in my home or elsewhere and other more—erotic—pursuits. Touch has also been the bane of my existence per the world interacting with me.

Somehow many people seem to think it necessary to interact with me only through touch. My hearing impairment doesn’t explain it because most people who encounter me for the first time, or on a casual basis, usually don’t know about it. They direct my body to where I’ve said I needed to go (or sometimes where they think I should go) through grasping my hand, laying a hand on my back, or—most unnerving of all—placing their hands on either side of my torso. Sure, often I defend myself, escaping from their grasp and either walking away or informing them of how best they can assist me. Sometimes I feel so invaded that I let them propel me to where I need to be, holding my body and breath stiffly until it’s over. It amazes me really that strangers touch me in ways that are so deeply intimate, in ways that are generally deemed so unacceptable between people unknown to each other. Perhaps I can consider myself fortunate to have never been lifted up and carried across the street, which happened to a friend of mine many years ago.

Some might say that obtaining permission or coordinating consent must be tedious. That’s not how I’ve experienced it. I’ve experienced asking and giving permission as gentle, caring, chastely sensual, charming, and filled with fun and laughter–and sometimes all of these. The act of asking for or giving permission with touch respects personal space, but it also has the capacity to forge a bond between people, if only for that moment. The voice is a powerful tool for those who can use it and those who can hear it.

Just for the record: Contrary to outmoded beliefs perpetuated by popular culture, I do not walk around touching people’s faces or clothes. Faces, in particular, tell me little about the person as they are much less interestingly tactile than they are visually. In terms of interest, clothes are quite another story, though I still don’t go around touching people’s outfits willy-nilly. After all, I just said that I don’t like being touched willy-nilly, so….

To be able to examine someone’s outfit with full permission in a safe and friendly space was a pleasure. There was light laughter and ribbing about the apparent (though not real) impropriety implied, plus amazement on my part that anyone could stand on those spike heels. Even as I touched her outfit, I asked her permission to touch each part of it, not because I was touching “inappropriate” places, but because it felt natural to do so.

SpicySubscriptions.com – A Review

Posted by PrincessKali on October 25, 2012

Oct 252012

When SpicySubscriptions.com contacted me about doing a review of their product, I was definitely intrigued. Getting a box of sexy goodies in the mail? Sounds like fun! Looking at their website, which is bright and perky, it was easy to understand how the product works. They have a very thorough FAQ page and a loyalty/word of mouth program which allows subscribers to earn points & free fun stuff.

There are two types of subscriptions you can order, the Premium Spice Box ($19.99 a month) or the Deluxe Spice Box ($34.99 a month) depending on the number of items and the quality of items included in the box. I received the Premium Spice Box to review.

I get a lot of sexy stuff in the mail, between being a Pro-Domme and receiving toys, books, etc to review. But I was still excited when my Spice Subscription box was delivered, a grab-bag (or grab-box really) of surprise sexiness. It was discreet and looked like any other package being delivered.

Ripping open the discreet packaging I was left with a sturdy white box with metallic corners. I have a bit of a fetish for ‘containers’ so I was immediately pleased with the sophisticated look and felt like even when the sexy good inside were all used up, I could still make use of the products packaging. Double whammy! In my last email exchange with SpicySubscriptions.com they said a new box was being put together, so I look forward to checking that out.

Now time to open the box! Since it was sent in October, there was a holiday theme with some little arcade type Halloween plastic rings & that sort of thing. Usually I’m a big fan of ‘themes’ being worked into product and marketing, but the items included were pretty useless to me as an adult. Maybe if I had kids I’d give the items to them, but somehow that feels a bit squicky to me, considering they came in the same box as a vibrator. But I appreciate what Spicy Subscriptions were trying to do, so thumbs up for effort.

All the adult items come wrapped in tissue paper. In my box I received; 3 trial packets of lubricant, an eco-friendly sex-toy cleaning wipe, a massage candle and a pink pocket rocket. One small thing is that I wish a AA battery had been in the box (more useful than the Halloween toys after all) so that I could immediately use the pocket rocket. But once I found a battery, I could give the little vibrator a go. Personally I’m a Hitachi lover, so even at the highest level it still didn’t quite have the get up and go for me. But it’s a good little vibe, and for a woman or couple who is just starting out with their sexual adventures it would make a good toy for sexy playtime. The candle is full size, which is nice, although at the first sniff I wondered if there was any lavender in it. I’m allergic to lavender so if that was the case, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the candle. But after close inspection…no lavender! Sexy massage, here I come!

My over-all impression is that SpicySubscriptions.com would work best for those that are new to their own sexual exploration or trying to re-inspire a couples sex life. Receiving a box of sexiness on a regular basis is a great way of encouraging sensual experiences, whether alone or together as a couple. It would make a great gift for a bachelorette or even a new mother, to remember that ‘adult time’ is important too. If you’re a couple looking to ‘spice’ up your sex life then this can be a great reminder to try a variety of sexy goodies and keep the spark on fire. When you find a product that you like, you can order the full size directly.

You can use the coupon code KINKACADEMY to receive a 15% discount on a 4 month subscription or the 1^st box free + 10% off if you go with the annual subscription.

Dressing for the Seasons, Autumn Accessories

Posted by Julian Wolf on October 24, 2012

Oct 242012

As the bright greens of summer fade into the golden hues of fall, the way most of us dress will change with the seasons. While some of us live in climates that don’t vary much as the world tilts on its axis, many of us see more drastic changes in temperature. The transitional periods can make for some interesting fashion choices certainly, and myriad opportunities for hedonism.

There is great wisdom in the concept of dressing in layers. Here in the high desert the temperature can easily drop twenty to thirty degrees or more when the sun sets, and for some that means tank tops during the days and bundling into sweaters at night. While a tee shirt and hoodie certainly offers some utilitarian flexibility, the opportunity to bring color, texture and style presents itself particularly well in autumn.

Regardless of your gender presentation, accessories are a great place to start. Scarves come in a great variety. From fluffy to silky, garish to subtle, and everything in between. They can be a way to tie an outfit together during the day, and then folded over to help keep you warm in the evening. An advantage of using scarves to accessorize during the fall is the ability to use them in a multitude of different ways. Most scarves will fit easily in a bag or you can tie it onto a strap for extra flair. You can have them loosely around your shoulders during the day, or even tied around your waist as a belt. If it’s a particularly warm day, scarves don’t add a lot of extra bulk to carry about, and can make the difference between a toasty and comfortable evening out, and being a bit too chilled to enjoy yourself. For the first several weeks of autumn I recommend loose knits and silks. As we get closer to winter, tighter knits, velvets and heavier materials offer more protection from the chill.

Gloves are something that I enjoy wearing year round, but autumn is an appropriate and fashionable time to add them into your wardrobe. With Victorian influence weighing heavily on todays designers, you can find gloves in an array of styles, materials and functionality. For those who want the extra warmth and protection of gloves without the investment of “tech gloves” that work with touch-screen devices, fingerless gloves are an excellent option. Even loose knits or materials such as lace or fishnet can add both warmth and aesthetic to your wardrobe. For those of us sporting a more goth and/or punk look, you can find fingerless knit gloves in stripes or solids in practically every color.

Most people don’t give much thought to their socks, but autumn is a perfect time to start giving them mind. Particularly during the transitional times, socks can be all it takes to make a lighter pair of pants perfect for cooler evenings or blistery days. Tall socks can be the extra layer that you need on your walk home, and are also an excellent way to bring a touch of color and texture to your day. Trouser socks, knee socks and over the knee socks are becoming easier and easier to find, and come in every imaginable color, pattern, print and texture. From basic blacks and neutrals to rainbow argyle, you can keep your legs toasty with them taut or scrunch them down if you have a particularly sunny day. The sister to socks are arm warmers, which come in everything from glove styles to open tubes of snuggly softness. A pair in a neutral color can fit just about any outfit, or something a bit more vibrant can add some whimsy.

Amid all these options, take the time to think about what you’ll enjoy the most. Are you visually drawn to greens and golds? Does wool give you a sense of warmth or just the desire to scratch? Do soft woven acrylics give your skin something to delight over or do you prefer the feel of velvet or silk? Does fringe on a scarf bother you or does it give your fingers something to play with?Don’t buy something practical that doesn’t please your senses; you’ll practically never wear it.

Earth tones are always popular later in the year, and definitely something to keep in mind. Think earth tones are all about browns? Think again. Golds, reds, and shades of green or orange can add vibrancy or subtly to your wardrobe. You don’t have to stick to traditional natural colors either. Zombies, robots and adorable chibi characters are not only popular but can be quite a lot of fun.

Feast your senses this fall, and don’t forget to delight in the sensations your autumn accessories can bring.

Enjoy yourself.

Older Entries Newer Entries