A question arises in BDSM circles from time to time. Should a dominant say please and thank you when interacting with a sub? The title of this column might make you think that please and thank you are for the fakes. Not so! I am not here to say that dominants should avoid saying please […]
As I continue to grow and evolve, my perspectives often change and expand. This is normal for anyone who is a seeker of truth. The rabbit hole of knowledge is an infinite bottomless pit that expands for infinity. The more you discover, the more your views broaden. With that being said, there was a time […]
A friend mentioned to me that he was recently filling out some tax forms that had a check box for “single” under the category of relationship status. This reminded him of a time when similar forms did not use the word “single” but instead, they used the word “unmarried.” It’s good to see that, of […]
Recently I volunteered at my daughter’s Catholic nursery school and spent the day helping children and teachers with the day’s activities. My favorite time was sitting in a circle, listening to a story about hibernating bears and singing songs. There was a song that said “good morning” to God, and they genuflected before and after […]
Kate Bornstein wrote about the modern imperative for identity in her landmark book, “Gender Outlaw”. Identity is the “need to belong” to a recognizable group, and in her opinion, this is particularly true in regard to gender and sexuality. “Monogamous” is one of the largest self-identified sexual identities, and according to at least one study, […]
To fully understand how we connect within relationships, we have to realize that we are energy beings that reside within a human vehicle. When we go through life holding on to pain we have experienced in past relationships, we begin to create a build up of resentment that blocks our natural flow of energy. Some […]
My former housemate in San Francisco has a Cairn Terrier, similar to Toto in The Wizard of Oz. Her name is Bella Rose — Rosie for short. She’s a great dog and I still occasionally care for her when her owner goes on vacation. We joke that I’m the absent step-dad. One of Rosie’s favorite […]
My day job consists of me writing for an instructional porn company for men. Yeah, I know. Of the numerous emails we get from men asking how to be the man that all women want and all men envy, we get a few from the women who have discovered their men buying instructional sex videos. […]
We’ve all learned the secret to good, successful relationships by now, right? Communicate, communicate, communicate! It’s one of the favorite mantras of relationship counselors the world over. Whether you’re trying to solve issues with integrating your girlfriend’s boyfriend’s new lover into your poly family, planning a special activity with your spouse of 30+ years to […]
“I want to be a dominant! People tell me I should start out as a submissive. Is that right?” Let’s start by taking a look at two reasons why people might suggest this idea. More so in early days of the public and organized BDSM scene, many saw a hierarchy of ranks between dominants and […]